Saturday, May 18, 2013

Weakness…


Set up and demonstrated our new power washer this morning. Effortlessly cleaned the back wall of the house. Big Plan: next Saturday, for the first time in a decade, we will take everything out of the garage, and clean it, power washer and squeegee! And then put everything back in place in a clean garage. Or so it says here.

The title of this entry might give you a clue to the question mark that hovers over this plan. I want to do it; we have to do it…but I don’t know if I can do it. Wrestling with the hoses and couplings this morning, and fooling around in the driveway garden for 15 minutes, left me ready for a nap…a lie down…a break.

I am weak; physically weak. There is nothing like 4 and one half months of lying around, either dragging a catheter or “not getting excited” about anything, to turn all your muscle tone to cold porridge. Mush. I am appalled at the little I can do before I’m done. It amazes me that I can walk quite a few Kms without trouble. But lifting, pushing, twisting…you name it. I’m done.

My gratitude, so far unexpressed in this entry, is that I am able to do anything at all!  I could be dead, or crippled. I am able to do more and more. But muscle tone will take months, perhaps years, to return. And maybe it never will return. The ‘accepting of things I cannot change’ is the hardest part of the program that I’m in. Definitely.

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