Another week…

The weeks are flying by. We are more than halfway through summer, and autumn is appearing on the horizon. Dies this mean I’m healthier…or sicker? My blood pressure appears to be more “normal” most of the time, than previously. I have no more anxiety attacks. My memory, however, continues to be wretched. I continue to write down the things I have to do so I don’t totally forget them.

How can one tell when recovery is complete? I feel fine, healed, ready to live as before. But I keep remembering that I am “ a brain damaged individual.” What does this mean for my day-to-day life? Are there things I should be doing? Things I shouldn’t be doing? I regularly monitor my blood pressure; I work out carefully in the pool. I’m aware that emotional upset sends my blood pressure up faster and higher than physical exercise. I forget that until I am in the middle of a rant, or an anxiety about how much the garage repair is going to cost. Then I can feel myself spiraling up. And I don’t seem to be able to do anything about it. I know that I need someone in my life to talk to about this. I talk a lot to Beatrix, but I can’ burden her with my fears all the time. I’m so sorry that Alex left the community. I could open up completely with her.

Walked about 6-8 km today. In the humidity, I perspired a good deal, but it felt good. Tomorrow is pool day, morning and evening. I can hardly wait.

I managed to finish preparation for Sunday in Rimbey, and get the stuff in the email. I’m aware that doing this is a strain. I don’t want to do it all the time. Periodically is fine. All the time, no! Does this mean I’m coming to terms with “retiring” at 78? Well, I had lunch today with the RCMP chaplain from Edmonton about being the Chaplain for the local detachment. Stalled at the moment, but I think that it will move a bit now. I have mixed feelings about it. The RCMP folks need support, and someone who can listen to them and be trusted, but I can’t say as I desire to share the somewhat right wing views of the regional Chaplain. Perhaps the local folks will be different? Fond hope. We’ll see. As Grandma Black always said: “More anon….”