Straining a muscle in the lower
back is a bit embarrassing, because it is part of the gluteus muscle group,
which places it very near one’s buttocks. Any comments you make about its
tenderness invites jokes about having a “pain in the ass.” Which it truly is!
Over the past week, the muscle strain
I sustained riding my bicycle (first time in two years) into a strong wind
became worse. I’m sure I contributed to that condition by applying heat to it, because it felt comforting.
Instead, I should have been icing it, which I finally began to do last evening.
Along the way, I walk each morning, although not my full therapeutic 5 km. I
felt good enough Friday morning to try the 5 km walk…it was a big mistake! My
back was severely aggravating by this move, and I have been paying for it ever
since!
All of the above may be seen as
commentary on ‘recovery and decrepitude’ from last week. The part of this that
bothers me most, along with the sharp, “hot-poker” like stabs of pain in my
back, is that I am not able to continue my cardiac rehab as I would like. I
know…I know…a bit if a layoff won’t hurt me or retard my recovery. But I am a
man addicted to routine; doing what I have done is important to me; keeping up
with a plan is important to me. “Get used to it!” says the little voice inside
me. So I am trying to get used to it…for the present.
The past week was a strange one
in my life. For one thing, I was preparing to conduct worship and preach in a
relatively unfamiliar setting this past Sunday. So I was increasingly anxious.
I’m sure I have mentioned this new aspect of my interior life. Since I began a
bit of work again after the stroke and the heart surgery, I find myself
becoming anxious as the date of my worship leadership approaches. I’m nit
exactly sure why. I take lots of time to prepare, content wise. It’s the
personal preparation that troubles me. I am troubled by fears of failing or at
least ‘not measuring up.’ I have begun
to wonder if my deep inner voice is telling me that it’s time to stop doing
‘supply preaching’, filling in for absent clergy. I can do the work, but the
uncertainty within myself seems to grow.
It’s now 24 hours later. I got
distracted, and life intervened. Not-very-exciting-life, but life, nonetheless.
One of the things that I was pondering over the last day was a review of a book
I heard on CBC. The book is The Village Effect, by Pinker. In it, she
studied the Island of Sardinia, on which there is a heavy preponderance of
centenarians, particularly in one area of the island. She wanted to discover
the factors that supported this anomaly. What she found was that family,
friends, visitors, and people who just ‘drop by’ for a visit constantly
surround very old people, in one or two villages. The elders are constantly
involved in interaction and attention. It seemed the only factor she could
isolate that explained their long lives. This is in direct opposition to what
happens in our culture, where the elderly are ‘warehoused’ – to use a
pejorative word – and live in relative isolation, unless their institution runs
a very active program of events.
My reflection on this raised for
me the question of why I need to go
to Tim Horton’s twice a day for coffee. It dawned on me that Tim’s is, in many
ways, my “village.” I see many people, know many, speak to some, and have
conversations with a few. And I do this virtually every day. When I miss a day or two, I feel it. ‘Bereft’ is one
word to describe it, or ‘lonely’, or ‘sad.’ Strange, isn’t it, how one finds
ways of meeting these kinds of needs. Being basically an introverted person, I
wouldn’t want to be pushed into many deep conversations in a day, but a few
short ones meet a need for me.
A final note for this time: I’ve
been trying to ‘treat’ my strained back muscle. Heat was a mistake – seemed to
make it worse. Then I remembered: “ice!” So for the past day I’ve been icing my
back two or three times a day. Things appear to be improving. Good thing. I’m
missing my long walks, and I’m beginning to develop a small roll of blubber
around my waist. Back on the trail soon I hope, and back in the pool come
Monday! Recovery continues!
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