Another day…

Today has been a good day, mostly. When I woke this morning, I found that I had actually slept all night, which was a first for me in awhile. However, I was so groggy, that after I hate my homemade breakfast of steel cut oats, prunes, wheat bran and fruit (see yesterday’s implied comment) I fell back in to bed for another three hours of sleep. 

I brought that to a conclusion with a 12-minute walk in brilliant sunshine and a brisk and cold west wind. I was certainly awake when I arrived home. I added a second walk after lunch, and got a third one in walking part way home from Tim Horton’s until Beatrix picked me up.

It’s important when you are in recovery from such a dramatic procedure, as I had to pay attention to every little offhand comment that comes your way.  For example, someone commented to me in hospital “if you have a too-strenuous day, you will pay for it the next day.” I heard it, but it didn’t register until the other day. It was a fine day. Visit to the MD in late AM, lunch at Tim’s, followed by a stop to buy groceries, and then another walk later. Feeling so good, I decided we should take in a movie downtown! “Mr. Peabody and Sherman.” Great fun and three-D as well.

The next day I felt completely wiped out, drained and unwell. I then recalled the casual comment, only not so casual now. I had experienced the wisdom in person. And I filed it away for another day. Tomorrow, for example, I have a standing AM date for coffee with a group of men at 10:30. That usually lasts until noon. If I get in a 12 or 13 minute walk beforehand, and another on the afternoon, I’m going to be really bushed when it come time for the final walk of the day after dinner.  Sounds like a nice day, doesn’t it? And it will be. But in the world I currently inhabit it sounds like a BIG day, and I will need to be ready to take it very easy on Saturday, without guilt.

It’s weird the role guilt plays in all this. I’m used to full and active days, a mixture of enjoyment and work. When I can’t fulfill that pattern, no matter what my brain tells me, I feel like I’m slacking off, and I feel somewhat guilty. It’s a mental and spiritual change I will have to negotiate soon, if this recovery is to be smooth.