After reading my last piece, about
documenting my recovery from this stroke, Beatrix gently pointed out a
particular peculiarity of my shattered short-term memory; I have little or no
time sense. If I tell you something happened yesterday, it might haven last
week. I mentioned that my symptoms began a week ago; in reality it was three
weeks ago. It sound like I’m
prevaricating…nice word, right? It means, “lying.” So if things I mention don’t
add up, it’s probably because they don’t
add up, except in my mind.
Time, for me, I like flat screen these days.
I seem to have no depth perception: I can’t distinguish between then and then. If it sounds weird, ask me about
it; challenge me. Give me the chance, after being embarrassed and then annoyed
with you (for being honest), you will help me stretch time out again and live
in a present as well as a past.
I had a busy day today, for me, Attended Good
Friday Worship with Beatrix. I tell myself I’m doing this to support her. I
even read a small piece of scripture – well, I mostly knew it by heart – and
prayed. It’s true, that I go to support her, but it also is the only way for me
to access a worshipping community, since I can’t drive to my chosen home in
Rimbey. Some of them are coming to me on Sunday. I also love/need to watch her
do her work. She has grown and changed so much over time, that it is a treasure
ton be in the same place with her doing this. And as I write this, the feelings
which are always right there, bubble up, and tears fill my eyes…happens all the
time, if I feel a compliment coming on, I want tell people how I value then,
but not necessarily shard teas on their shoulders, I seem to have little control
over that, It may embarrass you, or think I have finally lost it. But no, I
just am feeling something, with little ability to censure it.
One person commented that my last blog seemed
to pretty much in control. I had to smile at that: you have no ideas how many
times I go over each of these sentences to pick out the mistakes, both in
spelling and in word choice. Before I conclude tonight, I’ll leave one sentence
unedited, so you can begin to feel the craziness of not knowing t=what the hell
I’m talking about,
Long walk of the Walk of the Cross this afternoon.
I’m not a fan of these. We don’t always stop at the right places, and we don’t
always say the honest things, or pray for the deeply needed response. We
stopped at a bank…now there’s place for honesty¡ we stopped t our MP’s office -
a backbench Harper toady if ever there was one. Again, little truth…or at least
little of the truth I would spout. But then feelings are tight hear, no censor
in sight. In the end, I was tired and sore. At home, I discovered that In had
walked the whole way with only one orthotic in! Duh……
Coffee wit Z, an intellectual man who earns
money in a trade, who really us an artist and a theological ‘questor’ and
intellectual, who has been rejected by his Evangelical Church for asking
unsettling questions. Always stimulating… too much so today. I got excited,
started sweating and had to ask him to bring me home so I could lie down and
deep breath for a while.
And now it is two o’clock, and I am at last
feeling weary again. So back to bed till next time.
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