This afternoon at Tim Horton's, a friend talked to me about the sense of "stuckness" in his prayer life. I was surprised that he was so open about such a sensitive matter. Initially, I felt a bit intimidated, since I don't consider myself to be much of a model in this area. However, less than two weeks ago, I had a conversation with a woman just s few days before her death, during which she asked me how to pray. Without thinking, a sentence popped into my head that I shared with her. "Place yourself intentionally in the presence of God."
As I thought about it later, I realized that this is really my own understanding of prayer. I believe we live always in the presence of God, a fact which sustains our lives. But most of the time, we are unaware of this, and consequently, we trundle on, oblivious to what keeps us alive. When I think of 'placing myself in the presence of God, intentionally,' I am making myself aware of the reality of the spiritual reality of my life. And in that awareness, whatever I think or say, constitutes prayer. Prayer, for me, is a conversation with God, or whatever you image God to be. A conversation requires no special forms, no deliberate pattern, no special words. A conversation just is.
In that conversation, I think or say what is on my mind. I assume that will be received. No response may come, but I feel "listened to." Now and then, I feel a response. Not always to my liking, not always what I'd like to hear. But I hear it. Or I hear/feel something later that is kind of an answer to my side of the conversation. Then I have to decide what I will do with this 'answer.' Will I take it up, ignore it, or say "pardon; can you say that again."
For so many people, prayer is such a formal thing, such a disciplined matter. I feel embarrassed that for me, it isn't. I am not a 'prayer-warrior,' I guess. I just try to place myself in the presence of God and 'share.' Often, I feel like I haven't prayed. Some of things I think/say are negative, comments about others or situations that piss me off. These days, it's often about our PM, the model Christian, who sounds like a demagogue to me. I am aware that I have received no confirming responses from The Beyond to these thoughts of mine. I'll keep asking, to see if I can provoke a response. I want divine support for my annoyance. I suspect I may not get it. God probably listens to Stephen Harper as well as me. That galls me. Small man that I am.
I wish I was disciplines…I wish I was a warrior…but I'm just ordinary me, warts and creaky joints and all. Sigh…
As I thought about it later, I realized that this is really my own understanding of prayer. I believe we live always in the presence of God, a fact which sustains our lives. But most of the time, we are unaware of this, and consequently, we trundle on, oblivious to what keeps us alive. When I think of 'placing myself in the presence of God, intentionally,' I am making myself aware of the reality of the spiritual reality of my life. And in that awareness, whatever I think or say, constitutes prayer. Prayer, for me, is a conversation with God, or whatever you image God to be. A conversation requires no special forms, no deliberate pattern, no special words. A conversation just is.
In that conversation, I think or say what is on my mind. I assume that will be received. No response may come, but I feel "listened to." Now and then, I feel a response. Not always to my liking, not always what I'd like to hear. But I hear it. Or I hear/feel something later that is kind of an answer to my side of the conversation. Then I have to decide what I will do with this 'answer.' Will I take it up, ignore it, or say "pardon; can you say that again."
For so many people, prayer is such a formal thing, such a disciplined matter. I feel embarrassed that for me, it isn't. I am not a 'prayer-warrior,' I guess. I just try to place myself in the presence of God and 'share.' Often, I feel like I haven't prayed. Some of things I think/say are negative, comments about others or situations that piss me off. These days, it's often about our PM, the model Christian, who sounds like a demagogue to me. I am aware that I have received no confirming responses from The Beyond to these thoughts of mine. I'll keep asking, to see if I can provoke a response. I want divine support for my annoyance. I suspect I may not get it. God probably listens to Stephen Harper as well as me. That galls me. Small man that I am.
I wish I was disciplines…I wish I was a warrior…but I'm just ordinary me, warts and creaky joints and all. Sigh…
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