A hot day in July…

Every time I turn around, there seems to be another ‘medical crisis’ to fill my life. The “pain in the back of my head,” began to unnerve him, and make me anxious. I suppose anyone who’s suffered a stroke might find that happening. In any case, we spent a total of eight hours in Wetaskiwin ER last weekend, waiting to be seen, and then, later, waiting for a CT scan. The ER MD was a man whom I have talked to before, and like and trust. He was quite sure it was external rather than internal – a pinched nerve or a pulled muscle high on my neck or on the back of my skull. Hence the plan for a CT scan to confirm that diagnosis. In the midst of his putative explanation, I remembered that, while swimming, I found it difficult to crank my head to the left to draw a breath. When a tried that in the ER, the pain in my head was very sharp. Sure enough: pinched nerve, made worse by the arthritis in my neck. I still swim, the pain still comes and goes, but now that I know what it is, I can live with it. I’m sure my neck will settle down as I swim more. I noticed this this morning that I wasn’t quite as pooped after ten lengths, as I was the other day.

This past Sunday was the first time I have conducted worship since mid-February. I found myself using while preparing, and being shaken by the fact that it took so much energy to do things that have been second nature to me for the last half -century. I was anxious as the weekend approached. Sunday morning, I was very nervous. Of course, the whole thing went very well. I am known to the congregation in which I led worship, and that helped. I have two more Sundays coming up, in a different community. I am known there, and feel at home with the people, so I am not as anxious about these two events.

The experience of anxiety and lack of energy in preparing face me with the fact that I couldn’t work again, even if I wanted to. It would take more than I have at the moment. I am quite happy to be available to lead worship now and then, here and there.

I’m finding the days and evenings passing with boring regularity right now, making me wonder what, if anything, I should be doing with the rest of my life, apart from wasting it. I guess recovering is still in process, as I can’t seem to muster the energy to focus on anything concrete in which to become involved. At least I have been able to write the odd column for the local paper. That’s new!

As I worked y way through Face Book last evening, I came upon a post made by my son. He was rejoicing over the welcome he received from his little granddaughter when he came home from the lake yesterday. It was touching, and I smiled at it. But in response to it, I found a great sadness and regret welling up in me. Because I moved, first east, then west, I was not present for much of my grandchildren’s early childhood. A bit of Danny and Nico’s lives were close by, and some of Diego and Rapha’s. In their teens, I have had some lovely time with Emma and Angus – he joins us in a week or so for a short visit. Yea! I guess that’s the price I pay for allowing my professional life to move me around the country, instead of staying put with my family as top priority. One pays for one’s decisions.

Just before the weekend, I decided that our deck needed a couple of coals of water sealing. This morning, we tackled it, and got two coats on most of the deck in the morning. Once the current coat is dry, the furniture will be moved to other side, and the final few boards will be treated tomorrow. Fortunately, it will be hot and sunny – good weather for soaking in and drying up, before the next rain.

We were in contact with Bruce, who has yet to finish the carpentry work in our garage. Sounds like it will be completed by this weekend or shortly afterward, so I can move the “junk” back inside from the yard, and stop locking the gates against potential thievery. It’s amazing how one small incident of having an item stolen from our yard has made me vigilant about security!

Now that World Cup is over, there are no more football games to watch each day or two. I was quite happy that Germany won the cup, defeating Argentina 1-0. It was an exciting game, quite rough in spots on the part of frustrated Argentine players. One German knocked out and concussed, and another with a small chunk taken out of his face, requiring stitches! Still no red cards given, though the same Argentine player delivered both injuries. I must say that a good football game – soccer, for North Americans – is exciting to watch, as plays unfold, and strategies develop. All of this done by superb athletes who run as much as 10 km at a good pace during a game! Makes baseball players and even North American football players seem like slobs by comparison.

Beatrix has been dealing with fallout from a routine Presbytery visit to the congregation. She got some disturbing feedback, and clearly has some work to do in the wake of it. This upheaval has got her thinking again about when she wants to retire. At this point, she is really tired, not just from the year, but from about four years of medical upheaval in our little family. Getting away at the end of the month will be very good for her.

Summer is finally upon us. Temperature in the high 20’s the last few days, and will rise to over 30° C in the next couple of days. I can do without that; 22° is plenty high enough for me.

Tomorrow is a walking day for me, so I plan to be up and out by 6:30 or 7:00 to beat the heat, and hope that the tender muscle in my left calf can take the walk. Should know by 8:00 AM tomorrow! More recovery spaced with little injuries that must be iced and rested. Not really an athlete, but with minor athletic issues.

Here I am…!

No, I haven’t died and gone to heaven…or hell, for that matter. I have been quite busy…distracted really. Doctor’s visits, seeing the Chiropractor (my back keeps getting screwed by my activity), and trying to keep up with the lawn. NEVER fertilize grass, unless you want to spend your life pushing a lawn mower. At this point, I’d like brown grass, so I could ignore it!

I also conducted a funeral for a completely non-church family, who were actually vaguely hostile to “church.” I kept telling them that they didn’t need a minister to have a funeral, but they wanted to have some sense of a person ‘in control’ of things, although I controlled very little. I got involved through a friend who begged me to help them. Since I believe that every person deserves a decent burial, no matter what they do, or don’t, believe, I said yes. It was an ‘interesting’ experience…!

I had some computer trouble, so our friendly, neighbourhood techie came over an bailed me out, and gave me the news that my hard drive is dying, and that a new Mac is (hopefully) in my future soon…by summer’s end, likely.

Around Canada Day (July 1) I got the news that I was almost finished Cardiac Rehab, from which I will successfully graduate in a week or so. I went out and bought my own set of weights, so I could continue the upper bodywork – part of rehab – on my own. About the same time, I pulled a muscle in my calf while walking, and have unable to walk more than a kilometer or so since. I know from past experience with muscle strains, from my running days, that it slowly heals, and that you have to keep exercising, but moderately. I’m trying to do that.

On the up side of recovery, I’m back in the pool big time. Exercise classes, and –finally – swimming! I discovered that swimming is like running. You have to start small. The first night I managed two widths of the pool before I was breathless! But I had no chest pain, so I’m ready to keep working on the water work. In time, I’ll swim a full length, and then I’ll just keep on until I reach my goal (1 km) or die, which ever comes first!

The Word Cup of Football is one (“Mundial!”), so I spend a bit of each game day watching the game. I watched the heartbreak of Chile coming so close to defeating the Brazilians, and the Costa Rican team taking Holland all the way to penalty kicks before succumbing. This time around I’m negative on Brazil, so I hope the Germans beat them on Tuesday. If not that, then I hope they face Argentina in the finale. That would be a game to see!

Our garage renewal is closing in on completion. Floor done, stairs returned, and wall shelves soon to come. Then…the big move! Hauling everything back inform the yard to the garage. Then I’ll be able t unlock the gates again, without fear of neighbourhood thieves. I’ve only had one thing stolen from the yard in over a decade, and that was a high quality garden hose. The thieves thoughtfully removed and left behind, the nozzle, which they apparently didn’t need. So this time around, with the whole contents of the garage in the yard, I locked the three gates. That meant that anyone who wanted to steal something would have to haul it over a five foot steel fence. I felt that my winter ties and snow blower were safe from that activity!

Next week carries some anxiety for me. I begin doing Sunday services for neighbouring churches, and thus preparing for those events. I find that I haven’t the energy for sustained study and writing. The length of this blog is about my limit without a break. So I have work to do, and I have to find the energy to do it. I want to do it, because to be able to do some work again, although realistically, I won’t ever ‘work’ again as I have in the past. Some things are harder to let go than others.

I discovered that, while swimming, I irritated a nerve or muscle on the back of my head. I think, by cranking my head around to the left to breath while I swam. In any case, before I remembered that, I became concerned with head pain, having suffered a stroke 18 months ago. That meant a trip to ER in Wetaskiwin. An almost 5 hour sit waiting to be seen. It’s a busy place on Saturday afternoon! During the examination, I remembered the head twisting, which confirmed the MD’s judgment that no brain problem was involved. I had to return today for a CT scan – another 2 ½ hours of waiting. But I feel more secure with a pulled muscle o nerve irritation than with the possibility of another stroke. I did learn that I carry a number of risk factors for stroke, so I’ll have to watch out for that. (How do you “watch out” for a stoke?)

Tomorrow I have to try and see my own doctor for follow up, but for the moment I’m OK…except I have this pain on the back of my head…. Anyway, that’s me up to the moment. Rehab again on Tuesday and Thursday, and then I think I’m done with the formal stuff. Continue recovery on my own, work steadily and live. I suppose that’s good advice for anyone.

All is 'recovery mode.'

Well, Norah’s wedding is over. I haven’t been to such a well-planned and enjoyable celebration for a long time. It was really fun, and I enjoyed my little participation very much. It was pointed out that I had related to four generations of the Freeman family (Ruth’s family). At the wedding supper I met the fifth generation; two little children, the grandchildren of Ruth’s brother Chris. What does that make me…besides OLD?

Recovery continues. Workouts at the Rehab program are getting more strenuous, particularly upper bodywork. Dr. Swartz will be pleased. I see her on Tuesday. She has urged me to strengthen my upper body for a time now. I am walking a full 70 minutes, five days a week. I think I won’t increase the time, or I’ll be walking all day, and having no life!

Beatrix is undergoing some work-related stress these days, and this has prompted some discussion between us about where to live when she retires, whenever that is. Current choice is Wetraskiwin, about a half hour north of us. Have I mentioned this before? If so, here it is again! The benefits of Wetaskiwin have to do with the location of our physician, and a really good hospital, plus a larger community, only 20 minutes or so from the Edmonton airport.

It’s interesting how recovery prompts fresh thinking about where to live, how to live, and to wonder about how long I will live. ‘Life’ is the theme, and all the questions are the subtext.

I began thinking seriously about summer vacation this past week. I’ve been wondering about the shape of the “birthday weekend” in Winnipeg. I hope someone can give me a rough timeline soon. There are people I want to see while there, and I’d like to be in touch with them beforehand about it. (Hint, hint.) Ruth Lumax’ father, John Freeman, didn’t make it to his granddaughter’s wedding due to health problems. He has to be closing in on ninety, and I want to see him this summer.

Recovery now involves the pool twice a week. I am slowly regaining my strength in the water. Soon it will be time to test out my ability to survive deep-water workouts. Then I can begin the labour of swimming. All in good time…but sooner rather than later. I still haven’t managed to get the bike on the road, however. Why do I keep resisting that?

The replacement of the garage floor was completed this week. Wow! It looks great! Light grey tile, smooth and easy to clean. A good replacement for the crumbling concrete, caused by salt lying on it. One step in the process of re-doing parts of the house. We haven’t fully decided how long we’ll live in it, or exactly where we might go. But at some point, we’ll move…on…up…or out, for sure. One way of looking t this is to say; after over a decade in Stampede Town North, recovery is necessary and important, one way or another! (BTW, Stampede Town South is Calgary, Alberta).

Another week…or two.

A full two weeks. Stress tests in Edmonton, allowing me to lower one medication by one half; a supper meeting with a “young” woman that I haven’t seen since she was eighteen – now sixty; going to a variety show that featured three below average stand-up comics, and a burlesque troupe in which we have a young friend. That was fun, and tasteful, in comparison with some of the other stuff on offer.

Finally, a start on the refinishing of the garage floor, which is proceeding apace. Beatrix was off to a one-day conference/memorial in Winnipeg, and I participated in two or three cardiac rehab sessions. The high point of these hours is that my therapist has started me on “upper body work,” which means strengthening my pathetically weak arms! The exercises are excruciating – or were to begin with. By now, I am building some muscle, and I can do more than in the beginning…thank God. Dr. Swartz will be pleased; she is forever complaining about my lack of upper body development. What does she expect, Tarzan at 80?

Tomorrow AM sees me off to Fort Saskatchewan for a second cataract removal. Beatrix must drive me, but when I’m recovered from that, its new glasses for me. People keep asking me if I might have no glasses. I had glasses long before I had cataracts, so I expect another $900 bill for new lenses. I’ll keep the old frames, however. Cheap Scot that I am!

Father’s Day was interesting. I received flowers from one child, two phone calls from others. That’s all I wanted, really…a chance to hear their voices and to take a moment out of their lives.

I went through the credit cards today, and discovered that we actually have five CIBC car ds, only one of which we use, periodically. Next week, a morning at the bank, cancelling most of them. Thinning out again!

This weekend is Norah Lumax’s wedding. The mother of the bride, whom I have known since she was sixteen, has asked me to participate minimally, asking the question regarding support of the bride and grooms parents, and to attend the rehearsal dinner, where I will get to reconnect with her father, whom I haven’t seen for almost thirty years! I consider it an honour to do this.

All in all, a big week, and I am still progressing on the road to recovery. Tonight, I will drive the route I walk each morning for seventy minutes, to see just how far I actually go each day! ‘More anon’, as Grandma Black always said.

Another week…

A whirlwind week. Lots of medical stuff, connected to “recovery,” in a way. First, a cataract removal on Tuesday, with the second eye to follow in two weeks. Everything looks brighter from my left eye. Hope it gets lots better when both are done. A tedious follow up: eye drops every AM, noon, and bedtime. They have to be right on the eyeball: precision bombing!

The Cardiologist, Wednesday and Thursday, took up the next two days, with a follow up stress test. The purpose of this procedure is to “fine tune” the medication that moderates my heart rate. I tend to go too fast…way too fast! The test involved rapid walking on a treadmill for a time, followed by a scan of my heart, supposedly after exercise. However, the scan was hours later, so I don’t understand the purpose. The next morning, I had to come in for a noon appointment for a second scan, this time at rest. I didn’t tell them that I had walked for an hour earlier in the morning. That was it. I suppose I’ll get to sit down with the Cardiologist…or someone…to tell me what comes next. In the meantime, I walk. Five days a week, over an hour each time. I’m reaching for 70 minutes this week. To day I tried to decide when I would stop increasing the time each week. Maybe I need medical advice for that. If I don’t stop, one day my whole life will be one long walk.

The garage floor gets replaced in just over a week. In the meantime, we have to get our friend Bruce to take down the back steps so they can do the floor under them. My anxiety rises, in case we can’t get him within our time constraints. I realize that I worry too much and for too long about stuff like this.

I spend time each day on Face Book. Most of that is enjoyable, but there are things there that rile me up, get my blood pressure climbing. Most of that has to do with reading about the implications of our Federal government policies. Today, I read about Harper’s personal faith – a very conservative form of Christianity. I posted the article on my home page on face Book. Read it if you can stomach it. The outcome of applying such a faith stance to government is a clear form of Fascism. If he remains in power for another four years, our nation is doomed to be totally undemocratic. I feel sure that even die-hard Conservatives of the old school will be horrified at this. I hope they are horrified enough not to vote Conservative in the next election. Anything would be better than what we have. (I worry endlessly about this as well!)

We finally have summer, although when I was in Edmonton earlier this week, the temperature dropped ten degrees in an hour and it was windy and it rained. It was strange to see young women trying to get home from work: short shorts, a light blouse and a purse. Most ran, while other just gave up and plodded along, getting soaked and chilled as they went. At the last minute before I left for the city, I packed a rain jacket and rain pants, for some reason. I was very glad of those things, as I walked each day, rain or shine, warm or cold.

I had a real treat on Wednesday evening. I had earlier reconnected with Alison McInnis, whom I had known when she was eighteen years old, and played piano for me at chapel in Winnipeg. She – like me – has had a whole life since then. We managed to get the concert that her choral group put on last week. Incredibly beautiful classical music. We intend to go again to their Advent performance in November. The payoff came when I had dinner with Alison on Wednesday. Long talk, lots of catch up, and the promise of more visits in the future.

Full weeks, life progressing. Seeing old friends makes me miss my family, for they too have passed thirty years and have had a whole life, much of which I have missed.

Plus this week: I get back in the pool for real, both Tuesday and Thursday. A step ahead, for sure. I have yet to fill by bike tires and go for a ride. Soon, I’ll be doing nothing but exercise. And not even for the Olympics!