Back! Sort of…

I've been missing in action for a week or two. Not away, just "missing." A combination of distraction, ennui and a growing sense of "what the hell?" The dragging-on-forever election is one reason. A needed change in medication another. Lack of sleep factors in there somewhere.

I know, I know, "Excuses, excuses…" But I have not been feeling up to snuff recently, and hopefully, my medical consultation today will change that. On the plus side, I did have the energy to swim a full kilometre today, first time in a while. Hopefully I can do that again soon. It feels so…good!

I'll be glad when the election is over, although if it turns out badly for the left-of-centre people like me, I'll be crushed. More whining will ensue. I will stop for the day, since I literally have nothing useful to say. Wouldn't it be great if more on-line writers did the same?

Reminiscence…and grief

As part of our planning to move in the next two years, we are beginning to divest ourselves of a lot of "stuff." A lot of books have already gone. Beatrix has tackled her office closet. The other day I decided to begin the same process in my office. I started with the most personal part of the office; the filing cabinet. I began that task with the most personal drawer in the cabinet, the bottom drawer, where a lot of personal material resides. That became an intensely painful time.

The bottom drawer contains, among other things, the fat files of my mother's papers, and another of my father's papers. Suddenly, I was cast back to the late 80's, when the two of them died, six months apart. I haven't looked at that material for over twenty years - a form of denial, I am sure.

Birth certificates, pictures, hand written notes, immigration papers, and a wealth of family tree material. I was overcome with grief and sadness, which clings to me yet, over 24 hours later. I traced my parents' families back as far as 1790. I encountered names I had long forgotten, like Erasmus Trowsse, a great great great uncle. I discovered the Lindsay family on my father's side, and that I am very distantly related to the former Mayor of New York City , John Lindsay. The information and its emotional meaning still swirls round in my brain. I feel overwhelmed and burdened with it. It's like my parents died just a few days ago, and I am only now starting to mourn them and the long families that trail behind them.

I had the presence of mind to make copies of everything family tree related, so I can pass it to my children. They will do as they like with it. I am fearful that I will do little more than read it over again, to try and take it in. I feel disappointed in myself that I didn't deal with this material twenty years ago. Another regret.

Today I began another drawer, and encountered files of sermons I preached in the 60's, 70's and 80's. I suddenly want to read them all, and cling to them. Why? I have ignored and forgotten them for decades. But they take me back. I read a funeral meditation I gave at the service of an old psychiatric colleague with whom I worked in Winnipeg. He died in the 70's. I was able to read and recall him well, a strong man who hid his amazing history from most of us until his family told us at the end of it all. I was quite eloquent over a man I knew and cared deeply about.

Reading an old letter of mother's, I came face to face with the warmth she radiated all the time I knew her. Seeing my father Certificate of Proficiency from the St John's Ambulance Corps, dated January 1923, just a few months before he came to Canada. Afresh surprise was discovered on a neatly printed card where he had quoted a full poem by Goethe, focused on faith and love. This, from the hand of an agnostic who had me thinking all my life that he was an atheist!

These papers will not go out. I will read them again and again, and recover my deceased parents with a  fondness that suddenly wells up in me. Surely the remainder of my culling can't be more painful or revealing than this. Or could it be?

September song, part 1

It has been awhile. Blame it on reintegration at home, as well as ramping up of the election campaign Federally. The latter has seen me running around, erecting signs on lawns where people have asked for them, and making arrangements for a Candidate Kickoff meeting which was held last evening.

The Federal election campaign has been most interesting. The governing Conservatives have been taking a hard time in the media and in the polls. A scandal inside the PM's office, the appointment if crooked Senators currently before the courts, as well as rogue candidates being fired and replaced, has left the Pm scrambling to try and stay on message - unsuccessfully. The current Syrian refugee crisis is giving him grief as well.

The two more progressive parties, The Liberals and the New Democrats, have been jousting for first place in the runnings. The Liberals have a charismatic pretty face as leader, deemed by many to be too young and inexperienced to be PM, while the ND's have a seasoned political vet, with lots of experience in the Quebec National Assembly, as well as generally more progressive policies. The campaign is just now, after 6 weeks, beginning to ramp up and get exciting. The next 6 weeks will tell a more complete tale.

I had a lovely visit in Didsbury with a former student; mostly a sharing of current aging woes as well as dreams for the future. I got myself a new tattoo - the Strachan family crest - on my right forearm. This will probably be all for the time being; no more arm space, and lots of pondering before tattoos anywhere else.

I've noticing lately some deterioration in my physical condition. I gained a few pounds on vacation - about 5 - and I have been having trouble losing them. I also notice that my knees are more painful than previously. My morning walks are more of a challenge. the knee braces I purchased on vacation help a good deal, but there is no denying that things are worse in that area. My back, too, is slower to respond to treatment and rest. Almost 81, so I suppose I can't expect anything different. We've both been taking a new herbal remed, the pure version of Turmeric. It is reportedly really good for the reduction of inflammation. I'm watching for even limited improvement.

I've been watching both email and the post for news of my mail-in ballot arriving, as well as the application for a license to marry a couple in Toronto in Ontario. Vital Stats in Ontario have a very rigorous process for the obtaining of a day license. They must have had some bad experiences, or else they have a dragon for a supervisor.

My reading ability has been a bit compromised by an eye problem, and I've wandered away from serious reading for a bit.  Novels are fine, but my brain is currently lazy about absorbing heavier stuff. Soon, perhaps. More in a few days, I hope.